Scene 9 – the safari carriage, the Australian outback
SH: (contented sigh) There really is nothing like a safari.
BW: I suppose not. But Holmes…why are we taking a safari now rather than trying to untangle the clues?
SH: Really, Bre, it’s far too elementary. (falls silent and stares out the window)
BW glances at GB, who shrugs
(Silence…then…THE CARRIAGE OVETURNS!)
SH, GB, and BW are flung around the inside of the carriage like rag dolls
GB: (groans) Oh my…I hit my head frightfully hard.
BW: Whose foot is digging into my stomach?
GB: (wiggles foot) This foot? (BW groans) Oh, mine, sorry.
SH: (muffled and breathless) Ladies, I do hate to interrupt, but both of you together form a large amount of pressure on my somewhat fragile frame.
GB and BW scramble off of SH and out of the carriage
GB: Hey…where’s the driver? And the horses?
BW: (gasps) Moran!
SH: Gah! I ought to have foreseen…I suppose I was overly concerned with purchasing the snuggies.
GB: (drily) I suppose.
BW: (looks around) Whoa, we’re really in the middle of nowhere, aren’t we?
SH: Goodness me, how observant we are.
BW: (slight embarrassment) I mean, what are we going to do now?
(Something comes flying through the air and attaches itself to GB’s hair)
GB: (falls to the ground, thrashing) Ahhhh! Get it off! Get it off! What is it?!
BW: Fluffyyyyyy!
SH: (in surprise) The creature has followed us! How touching.
GB: (trembling) Get. This thing. Out of. My hair. NOW.
SH: Please Grace, none of this melodrama. It is a sweet, innocent rodent. Don’t be such a child about it. (removes Fluffy and snuggles him a little before handing him to BW)
BW: (stroking Fluffy) Oh, you poor widdle thing.
SH: Right then. I suggest we collect ourselves and head towards that westward clump of trees. Moran’s
henchmen cannot be far, and I cannot guess what he has in store for us.
Later, around a campfire in the clump of trees
SH: …and then, I woke up, and the specter was…GONE!
(GB and BW jump and scream)
SH: (throws head back and laughs) Honestly, this so-called art of telling ghost stories is extremely simple to
master.
BW: Do we have marshmallows?
GB: I don’t think we were *planning* to spend the night out here.
SH: He is a fool who does not have marshmallows on his person at all times. (whips out a bag of
marshmallows)
BW: Squeeee! I need to go find MARSHMALLOW STICKS! (runs off)
GB: (is oddly tongue tied) …Nice weather we’re having.
SH: (leans forward) Grace, I think we are close enough acquaintances to pass over idle small talk, don’t you
agree?
GB: (inwardly swoons) (smiles) You’re quite right, Holmes.
SH: (smiles) Now, I have been curious on this point for quite some time. You and Bre are admittedly very close
friends, yet much of your behavior towards each other has been surprisingly…well, violent. I have chosen not to make any deductions as to why, hoping one of you would tell me. (sits back and looks patient)
GB: (awkwardly) Well…it’s a very girly, silly subject. I don’t think you’d be interested; you might be downright sickened.
SH: Madam, I have written a monograph on *cigar ash*. I dare you to show me a more sickening subject.
GB: How about fanatical, obsessive fan girls?
SH: Oo, that might be a close second.
GB: (facepalm) I thought you might think that. (starts to sniffle from embarrassment)
SH: Oh my dear, you think that you two girls’ behavior has been fan girl-like? (scoots closer, pats GB on back) Let’s see: you have not jumped on me, tried to tear off pieces of my garments, screamed all that much upon beholding me, asked for my autograph, or behaved in a manner which has disturbed me. Therefore, you are not fan girls. You are genuinely friendly, intelligent young women, and I am proud to have your friendship. (kisses GB’s hand)
GB: (wipes tears away) Oh, that makes me feel *so* much better. Don’t tell Bre I told you what we were fighting about, I’d rather do it.
SH: Wait…I don’t know if you actually told me that. Were you fighting about whether or not you were fan girls?
GB: Oh dear…
BW: I’m back! With the MARSHMALLOW STICKS! Yessss! (starts doing the snuggie dance)
SH: (nods toward BW) Why don’t you join your friend? (smiles)
GB: (laughs) I will. (jumps up and starts doing the snuggie dance with BW)
EXEUNT
Love. The marshmallow line. XD And the part about ghost stories!
ReplyDeletehaha we're going to be walking around saying that like a proverb :P I love it :)
ReplyDeleteOh my word, my friend just asked me for advice the other day and I delivered...the marshmallow line. She was like, whaaa? Then I told her it was from a Holmes story I was co-writing, and she nodded while slowly edging away. =D
ReplyDelete*giggles* We are so cool. Actually...since it's your line, you're so cool. lol That's awesome :D
ReplyDeleteI think we're at least equally cool...the snuggies were pure genius.
ReplyDelete*bows* Thank you :)
ReplyDeleteyou guys make me laugh; love the story! I'm working on the 12 (or 15) Days of Holmes! =D it twill be amazing...
ReplyDeleteMy only goal in life, Mary... *cheesy grin*
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see it! Email it to me when you're done with it, if you please... *waits in anticipation*
Hey, Mare girl, whatcha writin'? Why was I not informed? Thanks a lot, kid. *goes and cries in the closet*
ReplyDeleteUm...she commented toward the beginning of our chronicle and said that she was thinking about writing it...I knew about it :D lol Maybe you weren't observing... :P
ReplyDeleteI guess I wasn't...still, I feel denied and betrayed. She will curse the day she did not do all that I asked of her...yep. lol
ReplyDelete*LOL*
ReplyDeleteMy goodness.
Grace my dude! You just totally quoted Phantom in a most intense way. However, I must object your claim against me. I did not deny or betray you, and I will not curse the day I did not do all that you asked of me. (And, you didn't ask a thing of me...) Yeah, I know you were just being amazingly cool and quoting my Phantom. :) (*my* Phantom)
ReplyDeleteYeah, Grace, you claim to be a Holmesian yet you are not observant on your own blog! Wow. I am appalled beyond words. jk lol Oh! Oh! I've got a quote... *clears throat, does a few scales and sings* Can it be? Can it be Christine? It seems so long ago, so very long ago, how young and innocent we were! She may not remember me, but I remember her... (and as I sing I stand up and walk down the hall of the Opera Populaire smiling like a dork with my long, 80's style hair bobbing up and down.) Yeah, that really had nothing to do with what was being said at all...anyhoo, I will send it to you when it's done, Bre. :)