The Conclusion of the Silver Safety Pin Affair -- Scene 14

Scene 14 – Venetian hotel, boat

Girls’ room, hotel

BW: (packs suitcase) (sighs) I love Italy.

GB: Mmmhmm. (struggles to close suitcase) I swear, this new dress is making my packing life very difficult. (sits on suitcase, it still doesn’t close) Can you help me, Bre?

BW: Sure. (jumps up and down on suitcase, still doesn’t close)

GB: (irritated) Dumb thing.

SH: (yells) Get out of my way! (comes flying through door, lands on suitcase, it clicks shut) (runs away laughing) You’ll never catch me, I’M THE GINGERBREAD MAN!

GB: (open-mouthed) That might just win the award for the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen.

BW: (also shocked) I’d say it’s right up there.

GB: Does caffeine affect him, I wonder?

BW: He’s showing all the signs…

GB, BW hear laughing in the hallway

GB: What? (pokes head out, sees SH on floor, laughing) Um…Holmes? Are you…um…ok?

SH: Ooooo, it’s Grace! (passes out) (hops up) Oh, I’m quite all right, I assure you. I was merely conducting an experiment. (walks away calmly)

BW: (pokes head out too) What? Are you experimenting with weird Italian drugs or something? Please say you’re not.

SH: (turns around) Of course not. I was trying out a persona for a new disguise I am perfecting. (flashes grin) My adolescent female disguise. (continues walking away, starts skipping and singing) Weeee’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz! Doo doo dee dee dee dee dee doo doo doo dee deeeee!

GB: I *do not* act like that…er, usually. (giggles)

BW: Oh Holmes. (laughs) I think we may have traumatized him.

GB: Quite probable, I daresay.

At the boat dock

GB: Where on earth is Holmes? We’re leaving in five minutes!

BW: Maybe he’s off being a teenage girl a bit more. (rolls eyes)

SH runs up the dock

SH: Oh my word, like, omg, sorry I’m late!

GB: (grabs SH’s shoulders, shakes him) Holmes! Snap out of it!

SH: (shout of perfectly Holmesian laughter) I’m not *in* anything to snap out of! It’s a *disguise*! Will you two please believe that my mind is still in its original condition?

BW: Sure…just stop it, ok? It’s kind of freaking us out.

SH: (perfectly dignified) Of course. If it gives you discomfort, I shall cease. (grabs bags, heads aboard)

BW, GB exchange humorous glance

BW: (stops abruptly) Wait…where’s Fluffy?

GB: In his cage in your suitcase?

BW: (holds up cage) I’M HOLDING HIS CAGE, AND HE’S NOT IN IT! (starts frantically running around the dock) FLUFFY! FLUFFYYYYYYY!

GB: Maybe he decided to return to the wild?

BW: HAMSTERS DON’T LIVE IN THE WILD!

GB: Oh yeah. I forgot. (looks casually around) Fluffy Face Foo Foo Fellow, where are you?

BW: THAT’S NOT HIS NAME! (hysterical sobs) FLUFFYYYYYYYY!

SH: (returns) What is this commotion?

BW: FLUFFY …GONE…FLUFFYYYYY! NOT IN…CAGE…FLUFFYYYYYY!

SH: (to GB) If I’m translating correctly, the hamster is missing?

GB: Quite.

SH: I could have sworn he was in my pocket…(looks) Oh, calm yourself, Bre, here he is.

BW: WHY DID YOU HIDE HIM FROM ME IN YOUR POCKET?

SH: (gives Fluffy a stern look) You said you asked permission.

BW: (calming) Well, he didn’t.

SH: (returns Fluffy to BW) I apologize for this lack of communication.

BW: (small smile, still shaken up) It’s all right. (to Fluffy) Don’t do that again! Don’t you know you need to tell me where you’re going? (boards the boat)

GB, SH follow, trying to hold in their laughter

EXEUNT