The Conclusion of the Silver Safety Pin Affair - Scene 7

One of the randomest scenes, imo :P

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Scene 7 – Inn in Australia

SH (pats BW’s hand) I shall leave you ladies to freshen up. I shall return soon, with my walking stick and a new safety pin.

BW (nods and unlatches herself from Holmes’ arm) I shall prepare Fluffy.

GB (puffs into the inn as SH walks away) (when SH is gone, grabs BW’s arm harshly and pulls her into a corner roughly)(mockingly) Oooo Holmes! I shall prepare Fluffy for our intimate little stake-out! We could even have little watercress sandwiches! How DARE you?! HOW DARE YOU!?

BW (despite the pain in her arm, smiles sweetly up at her assailant) How..dare..I..what?

GB (releases BW) You, still call him “Holmes,” and sit nearest him in the carriage…and take walks with him in the garden, and present all these..weird…ideas, and HE ACCEPTS THEM! AND YOUR HAMSTER IS FREAKISH! (pulls out crowbar she removed from BW’s suitcase after the last incident)

BW (yelps and backs up, hands in the air) This isn’t funny, Grace, please stop.

GB (holds crowbar over head) You know what else isn’t funny? YOU STEALING MY BELOVED!

SH (jumps out from behind GB, grabs the crowbar, and does a sweet move, a flip in the air, and waves his arms around) Hah! (runs behind the building with the crowbar)

GB (flushes, surprised) Oooooh my word…oooooooh my word…(wants to sink into the ground)

BW (hands still up, staring at the corner of the building where Holmes disappeared to in some shock)

GB and BW gawk at SH when he returns, laughing

SH (laughing, smacking the crowbar against his palm) I knew this (holds crowbar up) would make it’s return, though I had no idea in such a fashion. I am very surprised at you, Miss Brennan. I had no idea you were capable of such…(stops when GB starts crying)

GB (starts to sob)

BW (starts crying as well)

GB (runs to and hugs BW) I’m sorrrrry!!!!!!! (continues sobbing)

BW (sniffling, hugs back) It’s alriiiight!!!!

SH (witnessing in triumph, trying to piece together exactly what’s going on) I will be going now. Bre, here is your

safety pin. (hands safety pin to BW)

BW (shocked that he used her first name, blinks and takes safety pin without letting go of GB)

SH (pats GB’s back) Try to control yourself a bit more effectively, Miss Brennan.

GB (fresh round of sobbing at hearing her name used formally)

SH exits

BW (apologetic) I’m really sorry…um…yeah.

GB (lets go and heads off to her room)

BW (trails behind)

Girls get to room and the door is locked on the inside

BW OMG! What is going on?

GB (stares blankly at the door)

BW (starts kicking door)

SH (shouts from the inside) Hey! Stop that! I’m coming!

BW (turns to GB, one eyebrow raised) Whaaa..?

GB Um, this is weird.

SH (opens door) I am leaving now. You two will stay here, in your room. (unscrews door handle and turns door knob so the lock faces outward)

GB and BW watch, mystified

BW Holmes, what on earth are you doing?

SH (finished, motions for the girls to enter) I’m taking the crowbar, I would rather not return to find either of you murdered in your bed. There are two boxes, one for each of you, inside on your beds. (walks inside the bedroom, returns with Fluffy in the cage) Bre, I need the safety pin.

BW (on the way inside, hands him safety pin, still getting used to his calling her by her first name) What are you doing with Fluffy?

GB (mechanically walks in and goes to box on the bed) Thank you so much for taking Fluffy (shudders)

SH I’m going to stake-out. But you two will stay here, and resolve this whole issue, *without* killing each other. Open your boxes, I’m locking you in. Good night.

GB (whirls around to protest, but SH is already gone and the door locked) (to BW) Oh goodness.

BW (meanders to the box) Wonder what these are?

GB I’m slightly past caring at this point.

BW (opens box) I do. (takes lid off) Oh my GOSH! A SNUGGGIIIIIIIIIE!!!!!!

GB (forgetting the whole issue) Are you serious? (opens her box) Yessss! A snuggiiieeee!

GB and BW don the snuggies

GB How did Holmes know that I wanted a snuggie?

BW I don’t know! He’s so thoughtful.

GB I know. (girlish giggle)

GB and BW start spinning around in the snuggies

BW (stops abruptly)

GB (runs into BW) Hey! I need to spiiiin!

BW (gasps) What if we planned a SURPRISE for Holmes, when he returns? You know…to show that we’ve made peace with each other, and aren’t going to murder each other with crowbars in the middle of the night when

we’re supposed to be asleep?

GB (slightly worried that BW plotted something behind her back, but goes with it) A surprise? What *kind* of surprise? And he took the crowbar…

BW (eyes sparkling) A SNUGGIE DANCE!

GB Shweet! A snuggie dance! We could totally choreograph it and everything!

BW (laughs) Yes! A snuggie dance. We shall choreograph a dance…in our snuggies!

GB (dissolves into a fit of laughter on the floor, becoming entangled in her snuggie in the process)

SH (listening with his ear to the door…hears laughter and something about dancing, and leaves, smiling)

BW (helps GB to her feet, starts flapping her arms around and kicking her feet)

GB (follows suit)

GB and BW continue to dance around in their snuggies

GB I know! (runs to suitcase, pulls out fluffy flip-flop slippers and a big, floppy, purple hat) Did you bring a hat?

BW yes! (runs to suitcase and pulls out bunny slippers and a black bowler)

GB (excitedly situates hat on head and puts slippers on, while trying to maneuver the snuggie around) We have to dress up.

BW (nods and pulls slippers on, while the bowler slides down her nose)

GB (noticing the bowler) Why do you have a bowler in your suitcase? I thought you liked floppy sun hats.

BW (pushes bowler back up on head) Um…yeah. I do. I just…brought…my bowler, just in case I needed it.

GB (confused) A bowler, and a crowbar. It’s like you’re turning into a homicidal Watson or something! Were you planning on murdering me in my sleep??!

BW Noooooooo. Why would I do that?

GB (worried, remembering the first crowbar incident) Um…maybe because I insulted your hamster or

something?

BW (starts to speak, but then something slides under the door) (inspects the object)

GB DUDE! It’s a…it’s a…

BW (raises eyebrows) Uh…what is it?

GB (confused, picks up brown, crescent shaped object) It looks like…a…

BW (pokes it) Is that a banana?

GB (squishes it, the inside oozes out) Uh, yeah, I’d say it’s a banana.

SH (snickers quietly on the other side of the door)

BW Uh oh…

GB Uh oh what?

BW I think that was our dinner…and you squished it!

GB (frightened) Don’t murder me! NOO, please! (runs to the bed, becoming entangled in her snuggie)

BW (laughing) I wasn’t going to…murder you, but now you’re in a pretty predicament. (pulls chocolate Hershey bar out and starts eating) You squished your dinner, and you’re stuck in your snuggie on the floor. (meanders to the bed and sits down)

GB (looking at the banana) I’m pretty sure we’d get food poisoning from this, anyway. (realizes she’s still on the floor, enveloped in the snuggie) Um, help?

BW (helps GB up again) Now, you stand here, and you stand here. Throw that banana in the trash bin, please.

GB (throws banana away, then stands across from BW)

BW and GB start randomly dancing in their snuggies

SH (hearing their slippers on the floor and their giggling, leaves satisfied and heads back to Fluffy’s cage, where he finds the safety pin missing) What? (runs back to girl’s room, does baritsu on the door and knocks it down, and sees the girls singing loudly and thrashing about in their snuggies with their eyes closed) Bre! Grace!

GB (startled at hearing her first name) What?

BW (stops, embarrassed) What, Holmes?

SH The safety pin is missing. We must conduct a thorough investigation immediately! (turns on heel and runs down the hall)

BW (looks at GB, settles bowler back on head, and takes off down the hall in pursuit, snuggie flapping behind her like a cape and bunny-slippers’ ears bouncing)

GB (in a sort of shock) He called me Grace…he did, didn’t he? (realizing she’s alone, flings hat aside and rushes down the hall after SH and BW, snuggie flapping behind her)

EXEUNT