I die laughing. *dies laughing*
___________________
Scene 13 –
GB: We. Are on. A *gondola*! (does a little dance while sitting)
SH: (teasing) I never would have deduced, thank you for pointing that out.
GB: (giggles) Oh stop.
BW: (drags hand in the water) (sigh of contentment) This is nice…especially after all the craziness.
GB: It sure is.
SH: Quite. (closes eyes, dozes off)
GB: (softly) What were you saying about monkeys?
BW: (also softly) Are you kidding? You’ve never heard of the Venetian monkey gardens, famous
throughout the world?
GB: Um…no.
BW: You, my friend, have seriously missed out.
GB: I see…
BW: (excitedly) We’re going to the monkey gardens right now.
GB: Did I mention…
BW: (breaks in) That you have a monkey phobia?
GB: (giggles) I was going to say that…but I really don’t; I just like making up phobias.
BW: (smiles) You're too funny.
They float along in the sunshine; start going under a canopy of trees
BW: Ooo, we’re getting close! This is the start of the monkey gardens!
GB: Should we wake Holmes?
BW: Nah, when we start seeing cute widdle monkeys, then we will.
GB: Because he just *loves* cute widdle monkeys. (elbows BW playfully)
BW: (grins) There are people in this world who don’t? You jest.
Blur of fur comes flying through the air, attaches itself to SH
SH: (wakes immediately) GAAAH! GET THIS FLEABAG OFF OF ME! IT’S ATTEMPTING TO
STRANGLE ME, I KNOW IT!
GB: (drily) Yep, he just loves ‘em.
BW: Holmes! (grabs and cuddles the monkey) I think you’ve hurt its feelings. (strokes monkey)
SH: (indignant) *I* hurt *its* feelings? What about my near nervous breakdown? Of course, that
is of no consequence, everything is about that monkey. (crosses arms, turns away)
GB: (to BW) I think he’s tired.
BW: (crossly) What is he, two years old? (to SH) Oh grow up, Holmes!
GB: (slightly nicer tone) Holmes, remember when the hamster attacked me? And you told me to
just suck it up? Well, that’s what I’m telling you now. Suck it up.
SH: (sigh of exasperation) Fine. Just keep *it* away from me, if you please. (looks around) Where
are we? This isn’t the restaurant.
BW: (fidgets) I, uh, decided we should take a slight detour.
SH: (narrows eyes) And, where are we?
BW: (mumbles) The Venetian Monkey Gardens…
SH: (groans) (to the gondolier) Turn this boat around, I’m starving. (to BW) The monkey
gardens? Really?
BW: (wicked grin) Really. Even my limited sense of humor could evolve a better joke than that.
SH: (laughs in spite of himself) Oh, you.
GB: Um, Bre…I think the monkey needs to go back home now.
BW: (looks down into her arms) Oh, yes. (pause) You don’t think they’d mind if I kept it, do you?
SH: Oh believe me, they would mind very much, (in a low voice) as would I.
BW: Oh, fine. (lets monkey go) Bye bye, widdle monkey! (blows kiss)
GB: (stifles a laugh)
At the restaurant
GB: Pizza is very different when you’re actually in
SH: (smiles) And how is your vegetable lasagna, Bre?
BW: Awesome. (takes another bite) I'm so glad they make vegetarian food in
SH: (leans back) I remember when… (stops abruptly) Are you two trying to make this
uncomfortable?
GB, BW look puzzled
GB: What are you talking about, Holmes?
SH: (stiffly and coldly) I have no interest in playing footsie, thank you, ladies.
GB: (turns to BW) Bre! Talk about awkward!
BW: (distraught) What? I would *never* do that! I’m not touching you, Holmes!
SH: Then what… (monkey crawls up his leg) The little fiend has followed us! (jumps up and tries to
shake it off) (points at BW) I blame you for this! You caused it to form an emotional attachment
to our party! (continues hopping)
GB, BW laugh hysterically
Waiters come, remove animal
SH: (sits down, slightly ruffled, continues eating) As I was saying…
GB, BW cannot hold in their mirth, start laughing again
SH: (stares, then starts laughing with) I’m sorry for accusing you girls… (keeps laughing)
GB: (calming down) Oh my…
BW: (giggles) (in a deep voice) I have no interest in playing footsie, thank you ladies! (dies
laughing)
GB, SH crack up again
EXEUNT
dies, absolutely dies laughing my dear Watson....oh that was hilarious!!!! I do wish you wouldn't make me choke...even my limited humor...footsie...he just loves them....I thunk that Grace wins...:-) LOLOLOLOL....rofl...ROFL...choke..choke..gasp...I thunk I'm dead...:-D
ReplyDeleteLady Amy..look, I'm sorry..but yeah..I'm laughing hysterically in my attic....:-)
lol well, if you thought this one was funny...wait til tomorrow :D
ReplyDeleteI'll let you in on a little secret. When I first read scene 14 (tomorrow's), I was drinking a glass of water by the computer screen...and it was so funny I actually sprayed water all over the computer and the keyboard and desk I was laughing so hard. And then later, I was upstairs making lunch and thinking about it and I choked on my water up there too. lol It's really hilarious, you're going to have a hard time staying alive tomorrow ;P
Don't die, m'lady! =D This scene was so ridiculously fun and funny.
ReplyDeleteOh, wow! Playing footsie... *dies along with everyone else*
ReplyDelete