The Conclusion of the Silver Safety Pin Affair - Scene 5

Scene 5 - Australia, the inn the trio is staying at

GB (stretches): Ahh, I am SO glad to be off that ship. I was really beginning to wonder if we were ever going to make it here, especially with you and your homicidal urges. (glares)

BW (rolls eyes): Yeah, mmhmm, like Holmes would...

GB (breaks in): Hey! Don't start talking with that tone, young lady. (folds arms angrily) And when did you start calling him "Holmes?"

BW (raises voice): Since when did you become to touchy? I can call him "Holmes" if I want to!

GB (raises voice as well): I don't know! Maybe when you started this whole fighting-over-him thing! It's annoying, and I'm quite positive he's noticed. And you don't just call him by his last name, unless he gives you permission. That's *obviously* a breach of his personal privacy.

BW (fuming): When *I* started it? When did *I* start it? You're the one...

GB (interrupting again): I am NOT. Quit spitting unfair and untrue accusations at me! And you're the one who started it when you fell down on his FLOOR!

BW (pauses and scowls while trying to think of a rebuttal)

SH (approaches the door where the girls are arguing after hearing raised voices, but leaves again with a shrug when he doesn't hear anything)

BW (taking a breath): I don't really think it's fair that he shows you so much attention. Giving you his...his...

GB (grins): His arm? His wonderful, gorgeous, and oh-so-protective arm? (twirls)

BW (glares and makes a fist)

GB (laughs a weird-sounding and uncharacteristic laugh) So, you want to do it this way?

BW (nods): I don't see how else we can settle the matter.

GB (sizing up her opponent): You sure? You're awfully...short...

BW (shocked): I'm SHORT? Oooh...ooh, nooo...(pauses after realizing the drastic height difference, but reluctant to admit that GB is correct). I may be shorter than you, but I have twice the POWER.

GB (trying not to laugh): You wish. Bre, you're being incredibly pathetic.

BW (stands up and glares): I am NOT pathetic. YOU are the pathetic one.

(BW flies at GB and the girls start attacking each other on the floor. This continues for some minutes.)

SH (enters and watches silently for a few moments, thoroughly confused. After a long hesitation, points at the floor) MOUST!

(BW and GB separate and scrable to their feet, shrieking)

BW and GB: MOUST! omg! Run!

BW: Fluffy! (runs to grab hamster)

SH (laughing hysterically)

BW (suddenly realizing that Holmes was present during the fight and that the cry of "moust" was a fake-out, becomes incredibly embarrassed and blushes deeply, all the while beginning to feel a sharp pain near her eye) Oh my gosh, Holmes...

SH (questioning look at GB)

GB (turns several shades of red and combs through her hair with her hand, and trying to staunch the flow of blood gushing from her nose)

SH (raises eyebrows, turns to BW) What's going on, you two? You were confined to the same room for two weeks on a ship and never once got into...a...fight...

BW (bites lip, still blushing, petting hamster subconsciously) I...uh...

GB (coughs)

SH: Miss Ward...I must inform you, due to the absence of a mirror...you've acquired quite a black eye.

BW (free hand flies to eye) I...uh... (coughs)

GB (mutters): I suppose you didn't notice the blood running down my face...

SH: (turns to GB) I did notice it, for your information. (turns back) Would either of you like to explain what is going on? Or shall I deduce it myself?

(GB and BW look at each other, eyes wide)

BW (stuttering): I...uh...no...I mean, no, you don't have to...deduce...what's going on...no. It's nothing, just...an argument...

GB (breaks in, hoping to help cover up) Giraffes, and anteaters. (hints to BW with her eyes) Giraffes, they are so much more useful to society, and you know it! (points finger at BW accusingly)

BW (confused): Uh...yeah...

GB (glares, annoyed that she didn't catch on) Um, you just told me that anteaters were more useful! What are you doing agreeing with me? (frantic, wringing hands)

BW (still not understanding) I..uh...think I better go take care of my eye. (puts Fluffy back in the cage and brushes past Holmes on the way out, before running down the hallway)

SH (to GB) (notices her nose is still bleeding) Come now, sit down. (whips out handkerchief) Tilt your head forward. Hold this. There now. All right, then, Miss Brennan, this is your last chance. What is going on?

GB (almost spills it) Oh...oh...nothing, Mr. Holmes. Everything's perfectly fine. If you don't mind, I think I will take a small rest now...

SH (nods) That's fine. Be sure to be up promptly at 3:00, we are going on a safari.

GB (nods sleepily) Alright.

SH exits

GB (lies down, still rather embarrassed and fuming at BW) A safari? In Australia? And *why* are we even *in* Australia? (thinks this is all very singular indeed)

Scene switched to the bathroom, where BW sits on the edge of the bathtub crying softly and trying to take care of her eye.

BW: Grace thinks she's better than me. And Holmes thinks Grace is better than me. Not fair. (sniffs and dabs at eye pathetically with a wet cloth) (stands, with a resolved tone in her voice) I shall not give in! I will win yet, I shall triumph over Grace. Holmes shall be mine! (grins evilly, and walks around the bathroom holding the wet cloth over her eye) (pauses) Wait, he's already mine. (giggles) Right. I just have to get Grace to realize it. (hears footsteps in the hallway and sits down, continuing to dab at her eye while looking into a mirror)

SH (enters): I came to see how you were faring, Miss Brennan is resting.

BW (trying to sound composed, but beginning to blush again) Of course. I'm alright, my eye is a bit sore...

SH (nods and moves to sit by BW) You know, matters like this can always be resolved in a much less...violent fashion.

BW (startled, hoping SH doesn't know what went on) Oh...yes? Er...I suppose so. (turns away) I suppose you think me quite pathetic after all of this...(in an attempt to lighten the mood) I am not usually one to fight with my friends like this, especially not over such...trivial matters.

SH (laughing): No, no, of course not. (composes himself) Now, shall we go for a stroll in the gardens?

BW (smiles faintly) Yes, I think the Australian air will do me some good.

SH (stands and offers arm to BW)

BW (grins and takes it, then pauses) Er...Mr. Holmes?

SH (raises eyebrows) Yes?

BW May I have your permission to call you Holmes?

SH (laughs) Of course, my dear. I shouldn't like it any other way.

BW (beams)

EXEUNT

The Conclusion of the Silver Safety Pin Affair - Scene 4

Apologies that this took so long today...I was away all day. Enjoy :)

_______________________________

Scene 4 - boat dock, boat to Australia

BW (dragging suitcase onto dock next to GB): Oh my word, oh my word, oh my word.

GB: I know! (momentarily forgetting their competition, they grasp each other's arms and jump up and down, squealing)

BW (looking around): Is *he* here yet?

GB (shakes head) Not yet. I've been camping out here since 3:30 am, and I haven't seen hide nor hair of him. It's like...Black Friday, only better!

BW (thinks GB is obsessive): Do you think he thought better of confining himself to a small space with us for two weeks?

GB (thinks): Nah.

BW (sees cab pull up): HE'S HERE! (points ecstatically)

GB (claps hand over BW's mouth) Do you want to majorly creep him out or something?

BW: No...

SH (strolls down the dock leisurely): Ah, ladies. I believe we are ready to embark.

BW (jumps up with her suitcase): I'm ready, let's go! (runs up the gangplank)

SH (looks as she goes): Oh. Well, I could have taken her bag, but it's immensely more manageable to just handle yours. (picks up GB's bag)

GB (Almost swoons): Thank you, Mr. Holmes. (thinks this is slightly out of character for him, but hey, she's cool with it.)

SH (leads the way to the girls' room, collecting BW on the way): And now, ladies, I shall leave you to settle in. (bows slightly and then leaves)

GB (looking around) Do you want the top or bottom bunk?

BW: Hmm...top, because I feel like flyyyyyyyying! (starts spinning around)

GB (watches for a moment): Ok. (sits on bunk) So, why on earth are we going to *Australia*? In my excitement, I rather neglected to consider the reason.

BW (still spinning): Who cares? We're on a boat with SHERLOCK HOOOOOLMES, and you care why we're going somewhere?

GB: You have a point. (jumps up and starts spinning too)

BW (stops abruptly): Oh gosh, I have to unpack Fluffy Foo Foo Face McFee! (rushes to her suitcase and removes a small cage)

GB: Did I ever mention I have a huge hamster phobia? 'Cause I do. (edges away)

BW (affronted): *My* hamster is the best hamster ever in the history of hamsters, and you dare suggest that you have a...a...PHOBIA?! Of HIM?! He's *adorable*!

GB: Good heavens, it's nothing personal.

BW (pays no heed) I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU CALL YOURSELF A RATIONAL, COMPASSIONATE HUMAN BEING! YOU MONSTER OF DEPRAVITY, YOU! (comes at GB with a crowbar that was stashed in her suitcase)

GB (flees, shrieking) Mr. Holmes! Mr. Holmes!

BW (returns to hamster): Dere, dere, dat mean lady is gone, Fwuffy.

GB (continues to run down the hallway until she slams into something): Ugh... (looks up and sees Mr. Holmes looking slightly puzzled and amused) Oh, um, sorry. You see, Miss Ward was chasing me with a crowbar and I feared for my physical safety.

SH (shout of laughter)(helps GB to her feet): Have no fear, I know (does a sweet move) baritsu!

GB (gazes dreamily): Baritsuuu...(wanders back to the room) I think...I shall...be fine...I'm...going to...unpack...

SH (shakes head): What do these weeks hold? (walks off muttering) Who brings a crowbar in their suitcase?

BW (rushes after SH with hamster cage) Oh no! Mr. Holmes! Do you know CPR?

SH (turns): I should say so.

BW: It's Fluffy! He's stopped breathing! I think his airway is blocked!

SH: Ah, I see. (removes Fluffy from the cage) Let's see, thirty compressions, two breaths. (starts singing) Stayin' alive, stayin' alive, buh buh buh buh, stayin' alive...

BW (watches anxiously as SH puffs into the hamster's wee lungs)

SH (triumphantly): He's breathing! (returns Fluffy to BW) I think you shall find he wants some rest.

BW (sobbing with relief): Oh, thank you! (brings Fluffy back to the room)

SH (with a resigned air): Quite a pair of singular young ladies.

EXEUNT

The Conclusion of the Silver Safety Pin Affair -- Scene 3

Scene 3 – the streets of London and the National Archives of Hamster Cages

SH (waving arm, the one without GB on it): Cab!

BW: Where are we going, Mr. Holmes? (notices GB grasping Holmes’ arm) (hisses) Hey…quit fawning on him…he doesn’t like it.

GB: (hisses back) He offered. He even did the *twitchy half smile*!

BW (gasps): The…twitchy half smile? (almost swoons)

SH: I am loath to interrupt this conversation, ladies, but our cab has arrived. (motions for them to enter)

BW (shoves GB into the cab first so BW can sit by SH): (brightly) Ah, yes, where did you say we were headed, Mr. Holmes?

SH: I did not say, and we are headed to the National Archives of Hamster Cages.

GB (leans forward and looks past BW): Are you serious?

SH (slightly put off): Perfectly, I assure you. Even my limited sense of humor could evolve a better joke than that.

BW (snickers inwardly at this rift): What do you hope to find there?

SH: The archives contain every model of hamster cage ever invented. I wish to find the exact model you possess, and ascertain with what ease or difficulty the thief could have gained access.

BW: (Nods knowingly)

SH: Also, I wish to know what kind of hamster you have? Is it of the more vicious breed?

BW: Oh no, it’s super sweet. His name is Fluffy Foo Foo Face McFee, and he’s white with little black spots and…I even taught him how to sit! (sits back in triumph)

GB: (groans)

SH: (gives GB a sympathetic look) So, are you saying that…um…Fluffy would have made no move to attack the intruder?

BW: (indignantly) Certainly not.

SH: Ah yes. This is a pretty problem. (muses, fingers steepled)

GB: How far is it to the National Archives of Hamster Cages?

SH: (rousing himself) Not much farther now, but a few more blocks and we shall arrive.

BW: I can’t wait; hamster cages are a huge obsession of mine, along with American Idol and Phantom of the Opera!

SH (raises eyebrows waaaaay high): Indeed.

GB: Ah, here we are! (waits for BW and SH to exit the cab)

SH (stalking ahead into the large doors): Come ladies!

GB (falling behind with BW): …It’s not a contest, you know.

BW (grin): Oh, but it is, my dear, it is.

GB (narrows eyes): Do you really want to do this?

BW (narrows eyes back): Bring it. (Runs to catch up with SH)

GB (sighs): (wonders whether BW fully knows who she’s dealing with as she runs to catch up with those two)

SH (walking into the first exhibit hall): Now, Miss Ward, how early of a model is your hamster cage? Please be as precise as possible.

BW (with wrinkled forehead): Hmm…I’d say probably a 1998 model?

SH (in surprise): That must be quite the aged hamster you have there!

BW: Oh, but he’s still as spry as ever. (bats eyelashes)

GB (in the meantime has found the model): Mr. Holmes, I believe *this* is what you are looking for?

SH (turns to face the exhibit): It certainly is. (gives GB an approving nod) (whips out magnifying glass) Ah…this entrance tunnel is extremely narrow…yet you say your hamster could fit through this?

BW (in complete solemnity): Yes. He is a very fit hamster. He works out every day. (looks off into the distance) I don’t know if I could bear it if he was stolen…(starts to sob)

SH (looks awkwardly around): Er…please compose yourself, Miss Ward. (pats her on the back)

BW: (immediately perks up)

GB: Yes, well, anyway, what have you deduced from this, Mr. Holmes? I assume that you have come to the conclusion that the thief could not have been human, judging from the size of the entrance tunnel?

SH: Why, yes, indeed, Miss Brennan, that was my exact deduction. (take GB’s arm and strolls off) As you can see, the arm of a grown man, or even a child would never fit; indeed,they could scarcely fit three fingers into that tunnel, and as the safety pin was at the very end, its theft by those means would prove impossible.

GB (flashes wicked grin back at BW): Precisely my thoughts, Mr. Holmes.

BW (runs after them, latches onto SH’s other arm): Brilliant, Mr. Holmes!

SH (begins to realize the rivalry that is going on) (pulls away from both girls): Yes, it is as I feared: this is clearly the work of Colonel Sebastian Moran!

GB (puzzled): But I thought he was more of a weaponry specialist?

SH (sighs): Really, I’m surprised at you, Miss Brennan; it’s all far too elementary.

BW: (giggles)

GB (to BW): Oh come now, you don’t know what Moran has to do with anything either!

BW: Nope, but I’m not the one who said something about it. (holds head triumphantly)

GB: (fumes)

SH (rushing out of the building): Cab! (turns to the girls behind him) We must depart for…Australia!

GB, BW: (jaw drop)

EXEUNT

The Conclusion of the Silver Safety Pin Affair -- Scene 2

Scene Two: Baker Street

MH: (enters): Two…er…young women to see you, Mr. Holmes.

SH: (leans back in armchair and steeples fingers): Thank you, Mrs. Hudson.

(BW and GB rush in without waiting)

BW (all giddy): Sherlock Holmes!! It’s really you!! (grabs GB’s arm, squeals, and jumps up and down)

GB (dreamy eyed): Oh my…the way you’re holding that…newspaper. (realizes she said that out loud) Ah, er, good day, Mr. Holmes, sir.
SH: (rather surprised at the strange intrusion): Ah…right. What can I do to assist you…two…lovely ladies?

BW: (collapses on the floor)

GB: (still dreamily): Well, Mr. Holmes, my friend’s safety pin has been stolen...

BW: (giggles hysterically and starts thrashing around on the floor)

SH (blank look): Her…uh..safety pin. (clears throat)

GB: Oh, it was a *silver* safety pin. Highly valuable, you see.

SH: All right, well, first, may I ask who it is I shall be assisting in this…safety pin search? (motions for them to sit)

GB (smiles sweetly and lowers herself into the settee): I am Miss Brennan.

BW (pulls self together, hops to her feet, and sits next to GB): I am Miss Ward, and (starts waving hands about) my poor hamster is going to be stolen if we do not recover my silver safety pin as soon as possible!

SH (raises eyebrows): I assure you, Miss Brennan and Miss Ward, we shall begin our search as soon as possible (settles self in chair). Miss Ward, do begin by relating exactly what happened as you remember it, leaving no detail concealed. The smallest detail could be incredibly important. (winks)

GB: (slumps onto BW’s lap in a dead faint)

BW (grins, shifts GB’s torso onto the other end of the settee): I was sleeping, and then I woke up…

SH (snorts in an attempt to suppress a laugh)

GB: (composing herself) Um, yeah? You wouldn’t be sitting here if you hadn’t woken up.

BW (raises one eyebrow) Right. I suppose so. Anyhow, I was sleeping, and then I woke up…

SH (throws his head back and laughs loudly)

GB (slightly annoyed at this sleeping/waking hang-up): She was sleeping, and after she woke up, her silver safety pin was missing from her hamster’s cage.

SH (still chuckling): Might I ask, Miss Ward, why you keep a silver safety pin in your hamster’s cage, and why you have come all the way to London in attempt to recover it?

BW (a little crossly): Have I not already said it was to deter thieves?

GB: Well…yeah. (wonders why that would work, exactly)

SH: Ah yes, I remember you did say something of the like earlier. Pray continue.

BW: Yes, yes. I was sleeping, and then I woke up, and my silver safety pin was missing from my hamster’s cage…

GB: We’ve been over this, Bre.

BW; I use the safety pin to deter thieves.

GB: Come now, don’t bore Mr. Holmes with constant repetition.

SH (gives a nod to GB): And you believe it’s been stolen?

BW (in all seriousness): Sir, I do. (nods solemnly)

SH: Any visible clues?

BW: None.

SH: Did your hamster make any sounds of distress in the night?

BW: None.

SH: (leans forward in chair) Do you have any idea as to who might want to take such a thing from you? Any enemies with a grudge against you or your hamster?

BW: None.

GB: (looks at SH, eyebrows raised)

SH (seemingly unaffected): Well, then, I shall begin my investigation. (rises)

(the ladies follow suit, in a robotic manner, mentally drooling)

SH (to BW) Lead on, it’s your hamster.

BW: Ah, yes. We shall take leave presently. (goes to door and exits)

GB (gazing at SH dreamily): Shall we go, Mr. Holmes?

SH (twitchy half smile): Ah, yes, we shall. (lends arm for GB to take)

GB (eyes light up as she takes his arm)

EXEUNT

The Conclusion of the Silver Safety Pin Affair - Intro and Scene 1

Alright, after much discussion, Grace and I have decided to release your Christmas present one bit at a time, Holmes style! Heh, not like Holmes released Christmas presents one bit at a time...but yeah. Kinda like the 12 days of Christmas, only there's 15 days until Christmas. Yeah. I'll stop rambling now.

As for *what* your present is, it's a story, in play/dramatic format. Only it's not just any story...it's a RANDOM story! *giggles* It's not normal Holmes story format...It's totally totally random. But it's so funny. And we've had a blast putting it together.

Small disclaimer: I am NOT wild, and crazy, like I sound in this. And neither is Grace. Yeah. *cough* In other words, this thing is not true to our real personalities, except for Grace's (and my occasional) sarcasm. :P We just exaggerated everything times a million, to make it funny and random.

So, here's kinda how we've been doing this: I write a little, and send it to Grace, who edits it how she likes it. And vice versa. Therefore, you shouldn't be able to tell who wrote what parts, because we took turns and edited each other's so that we ended up with a mix of both of us in each scene. Make sense? Good. Cause I'm not explaining it anymore. (lol)

I know this is short but we decided against posting scene 2 for reasons we shall not reveal :P You'll see it in due time.

Without further ado, here you are:

THE CONCLUSION OF THE SILVER SAFETY PIN AFFAIR
(title compliments of Grace :D)

Characters:
BW - Bre W.
GB - Grace B.
SH - Sherlock Holmes
JW - John Watson
MH - Mrs. Hudson
P - special surprise :P

Scene One - GB's house

BW: (flies into room out of breath) omg, Grace, my SAFETY PIN!

GB: (turns around from kitchen sink, where she is washing dishes, which involves flinging soap bubbles all over the floor in ecstasy) What about your safety pin, my dear?

BW: It's goooone! Now my poor, poor hamster will be stolen by thieves, as there is nothing to deter them. Poor, poor hamster! (falls to the floor, sobbing)

GB: Ah, I do indeed lament your hamster's newfound vulnerability. Well, I suppose there isn't a thing we can do about it. (pauses) Except...

BW: (clambering to her feet) What? Except what?

GB: Well...eh, well, we could consult the world's greatest consulting detective, Sherlock Holmes...with him being the world's greatest consulting detective and all. (tilts head and looks at BW with a "duh" look)

BW: Yes! Yes! (throws GB over her shoulder and runs out the door)

GB: (enjoying the ride) Er...yeah!

EXEUNT

Christmas present

Guess what? You loverly blog readers are getting a sweet and awesome CHRISTMAS PRESENT! There will be no hints, and you will just have to suffer. *evil cackle* You'll like it, however. But you still don't get any hints. None. Let the agony ensue! *more evil cackling*

Notes on The Blue Carbuncle

I'm very sure that every one of us is very excited for Christmas. I know I am! I was pondering about some things to post about and remembered one Holmes case set during the Christmas season: The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle. You probably anticipated a discussion on this, seeing as it is one of the only (if not the only) Holmes stories set during the holiday season.

I re-read the story this morning (instead of going to British Lit, as my teacher was sick, so I had some spare time after I finished school :D) for the third time, and decided this time that I was going to journal my thoughts as I read. I've not done this for the canon yet...I usually just write down favorite quotes (believe me, I have a treasure trove of quotes from the canon!). So I decided to write down my short little scribbles for you all to see. Hopefully it will entertain you all, it may give you a little insight into the way my brain works (haha!). I'll leave everything the way it is in my notebook (including emoticons [yes, I write emoticons, haha] and abbreviations [I do that too, lol] and grammatical errors [I have them frequently when writing quickly like this]) so it's exactly how I wrote it, unedited - though occasionally I will add parentheses to clarify what part of the story I am referring to :D Have fun with it, I hope it's not too confusing. I will probably do this more frequently as I go back through the canon story by story. It forces me to pay really close attention to everything ;) So let me know if you ever want to see more of these ;)

___________________
Thoughts on the Blue Carbuncle

...makes Baker Street seem very inviting and cozy (description of the fire/frost on the windows)

HAHA - Watson assuming the worst...poor little hat! and I love Holmes' explanation page 245 (245 in my book..page 1 of the actual story. When Watson assumes that the hat is the only clue in a deadly story, etc. etc.)

battered billycock...lol!

is tallish a word? seriously...Holmes adds 'ish' to words too! hehe

A most impeachable Christmas goose..lol

really? The ultimate destiny of a goose is to be roasted? sad :(

I can see JB gazing at the hat in his "peculiar introspective fashion" :)

haha! I've always thought that a bit out on the limb... (how Holmes deduced that his wife ceased to love him). Watson: how dare you draw such a conclusion!! behind his surprised "My dear Holmes!" hah!

lol! I love imagining this scene even though his deduction isn't entirely correct (when he puts the hat on his head and it slips down his nose, while he deduces that the man is smart according to the size of his head)

house dust is fluffy and brown? I wonder when he studied dust and how you tell the difference...

bahahahaaa! It has flapped off, indeed! (when Peterson comes back with the gem)

Holmes whistling...hmm

plumped in the chair...love this verb

haha...his opinion of the police, such a sarcastic tone, Holmes!

how nice, replacing the goose...

I love that!! (described the gem as a "bonny thing")

hmm..lots of crime for the stone...

Holmes has a specific hour to dine? how did that come about? lol wow...

Love the shrug...

a fowl fancier, haha...can just see Holmes saying that...

faces to the south! hah!

lol, I love Holmes :) He's so cool. (this is a random thought, not about any particular thing. heh)

I love his introduction page 254 (My name is Sherlock Holmes, it is my business to know what other people don't)

haha, Holmes = sweetly?

lol..the egg speech...(it laid...museum)

I love how Doyle describes his fainting...definitely not boring! (when Holmes tells Watson to give Ryder an arm b/c he almost fell into the fire)

but you didn't beat the best detective, dummy...how could you think that? duuuh... (heh when Ryder tells about his shoving the gem into the goose)

aw, he let him go! Nice man :D

__________________________

lol well, I hope that was entertaining and not too hard to decipher :D It was actually rather fun doing it...I noticed a lot more when I was taking notes :D lol