The Wallaby of Death - Part 1

Scene 1 - Smart Car

Bre and Grace are crammed in the smart car. Bre is driving.

Bre (greatly agitated): I’m telling you, dancing hogs are a danger to the minds of our youth!!!!!!

Grace (calmly): I don’t believe it would affect them in any way, actually.

Bre (exasperated sigh)

Pause

Bre: But what about the anchovies?!?!

Grace (puzzled): What about the anchovies?

Bre (throws hands up in the air)

Grace (grabs steering wheel): BRE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!??!!

Car careens out of control and goes off the road, rolls down a hill and into a tree.

Bre and Grace sit in stunned silence

Grace (sarcastically): Nice.

Bre and Grace exit the car and begin to assess the damage

Bre: Oh dear.

Awkward silence

Bre: Now what?

Awkward silence

Grace: You tell me.

Awkward silence

Bre (wails): NOW WE DON’T HAVE A CAR SO WE CAN FINISH OUR TOUR OF THE ENGLISH COUNTRYSIDE!!!! (collapses on the ground sobbing)

Grace (stares blankly): How far are we from London?

Bre (stops wailing and stands up): 22.2 miles.

Grace: Okay then.

Bre: Why do you ask?

Grace: Why do you think I’m asking?

Pause

Bre and Grace: HOLMES!

Bre and Grace hear rustling in the bushes.

Bre (edges closer to Grace): What was that?

Rustling stops

Grace: Let’s go investigate…

Bre and Grace wander to bushes and begin inspecting ground

Bre (stops dead in tracks and points at ground): Grace…I found something…

Grace (comes over to see): What?

Pause as Grace looks at ground

Grace (gasps)

Bre (solemnly): I think we should let Holmes handle this.

EXEUNT